When we say to God with a sincere heart, "make me a person who will live in Paradise forever, let not my will but your will be done". God begins to work in our life. How God works to accomplish this task is a mystery to us. For many of us, it is necessary for us to see through our own experiences the hypocrisy that exists. Sin exists in many forms. There are those who see their imperfections and actively seek refuge from them and then there are those who need to be taught. Often these lessons are hard but when we are ready to learn, the lessons come and slowly we transform.
Evolution is a slow process. Don't try to second guess how God is working in your life. If you are sincere about transforming your life, God is working with you.
There is a part of us that is listening to God whether we know it or not. God is always showing us the right way to go and urging us to make good choices. However, there is also another voice which speaks to us urging us to make wrong choices. Both of the voice that whispers to us in our right ear and the one in or left are God. God prays that you do not listen to the voice in our left and weeps when we do; however, we cannot evolve if we do not have resistance. It is resistance that makes us strong enough to become the type of people that can live in an eternal community-Paradise!
"Every saint has a past and every sinner a future"! It is this inner conflict that drives us toward the decisions we make. There comes a time when we are motivated to make better choices. One can only get hit on the head so many times before they finally figure out that they need to move; they need to do something different with their lives. God is always talking to us, listening to God is a choice.
It doesn't matter what you do: how irresponsible you are, how many obsessive relationships you've been in, how impulsive or how much you value possessions over your opportunity for eternal life, God always loves you and never gives up on you. God sees the folly in our behavior even if we don't see it ourselves. Rising above sin is part of the growth process. When we see our negative behavior for what it is, we stop and then we begin to move in the right direction. This is when the cycle of life and death ends for us and our "initiation" into Paradise is completed and we take our places among those who have walked the same path. Evolution assures that we will all walk this path one day; however, when we do it- is a choice we have to make.
Good luck in your journey-