I have a hard time asking God to let Her will be done and not my own. Firstly it makes me fear that I must give up my decision-making for my life. But also and most prominently I feel selfish asking God to make me into the type of person who can grow with Her and by Her because it is only to satiafy my thirst for eternal life and all-knowledge. I feel like at any moment or next life I could betray God and take for granted what She can offer by hastily choosing to live eternally by a primitive science form and I would not be shocked if I have already done so. Ultimately I feel like, given the opportunity, I would gratify myself instantly as opposed to overcoming an obstacle. Just knowing how far I am from becoming selfless is discouraging and also worrysome to me.